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November 5, 2021 (1 Kislev 5782) Honoring Our Parents Dear Friends, I hope this correspondence finds you doing well. Please note that I will be staffing a Shabbaton for the Leffell School this weekend and therefore our services will be exclusively on Zoom and not in-person. We look forward to resuming our in-person minyan next Shabbat. In this week’s reading, Parashat Toldot, Jacob pretends to be someone else in order to receive the paternal blessing of his vision-impaired and elderly father, Isaac. Often, Jacob’s character becomes the focal point of our reflection, as we try to determine whether his behavior was a strategic act of courage to fulfill a divine mission, or rather, a demonstration of cruel trickery. And when Jacob ultimately receives the blessing, is it a legitimate convocation given that Isaac was duped into thinking that he was interacting with his firstborn son, Esau? Would it not have been better for Jacob to be recognized for who he was, as an individual, and not had to hide himself to receive the greatest of blessings from his father? And finally, is this story even plausible? As I was reading this biblical saga, I was reminded of a powerful book I recently read, entitled Still Alice, by author and neuroscientist Lisa Genova. This New York Times bestseller describes the life of Alice Howland, who at fifty years old, is a cognitive psychology professor at Harvard and a world-renowned expert in linguistics. When she becomes increasingly disoriented and forgetful, a tragic diagnosis of Alzheimer’s’ changes her life forever. As she struggles to cope with Alzheimer’s, she learns that her worth is comprised of far more than just her ability to remember. Unfortunately, for many who have relatives with Alzheimer’s, the idea of a parent not recognizing the child, as described in Toldot, is a harsh reality. In such a case, how is a child supposed to fulfill the Mitzvah of honoring a parent, when the parent is cognitively compromised? Allow me to share the story of a colleague of mine from the Leffell School, who is originally from Australia. Several years ago, he and his sister decided to move his aging parents from “down under” to the Holy Land, so they could enjoy their final years with the blessing of being closer to family. Both parents were in their nineties and over time, they suffered significant impairment due to Alzheimer’s. Regardless of their condition, each morning in our faculty office, I am greeted by the loud voice of my colleague “speaking” on the phone to his Abba and Ema. Somedays are better than others for on some days, the son is recognized. On other days, he is not. In either case, I hear my colleague express the same love and affection to Abba and Ema. Their ability to recognize their own son does not deter him. As we read Toldot this Shabbat, let us remember that we can, and should, always honor our parents, regardless of their ability to perceive that honor. In addition, for those in these kinds of difficult situations, we should be supportive of them in any way possible. In this manner, we perform an important Mitzvah and bring blessings of God’s healing to those in need and show respect to the suffering, while recognizing that regardless of circumstances, we are all created in the image of God. May we always find ways to navigate our relationships, so they can continue to be a source of true revelation and blessing. Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Eric L. Wasser, EdD
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